Super Duper Zombie Buddies!
by Bleeping Bloop
Summary: Pein wants to know why Kakuzu and Hidan sneak out every night. Konan has her theories. Zetsu has his. May not be what it seems, or is it? Kakuzu and Hidan decide to become...what? Second character is Hidan, now I wonder why it's rated T?
1. The Bank Heist

"Konan, Zetsu," Pein called. "Find out why Hidan and Kakuzu leave the base every night."

"Yaoi," Konan questioned.

"**That bastard's probably making money**," Zetsu growled. "Or doing something Jashin-related."

"Whatever, just find out!"

* * *

Hidan and Kakuzu were merrily skipping down a sunny lane -wait I'm sorry- The immortal demons were lurking through a dark alley. Rats were scattering around their feet while the duo moved through the narrow passage. "Too far," Kakuzu hissed, grabbing Hidan's collar and forcefully pulling him back so they faced a cold stone wall.

"How the fuck was I supposed to know! The walls all looks the same," Hidan barked. "If you had two ounces of common sense then you would make our hideout a little easier to find!"

"So Pein can find us and ruin our fun? I don't think so." Kakuzu slid his hand over the bricks and a red circle revealed itself. Kakuzu brought his eye to the orb so it could be scanned.

"Welcome Master Kakuzu," a robotic, yet British voice said. The orb disappeared and a door appeared. Kakuzu pushed his partner in and followed suit.

"Quick put the leather on."

"Fuck Kakuzu you know that it makes my balls stick."

"Dont worry you won't be wearing it long."

"Go die in a hole bastard."

"Are you ready yet?"

"How are you ready?"

"Whatever, I'll just go to the computer and find some videos."

"Kakuzu you know I like the videos, just wait. These pants are so Jashin-damn tight. Why do I have to wear them?"

"Its only for nights, you'll live."

"Yeah, yeah, so what's going on?"

"Nothing much I guess - wait do you see that?"

"Fuck yeah, off to the Zombie Mobile!" Epic music started playing while the Zombies got into the Zombie Mobile! This 'Zombie Mobile' was two pogo sticks that Kakuzu acquired for an absolute bargain at a yard sale. Per Hidan's request to make them more manly, he painted flames on them. The team bounced off into the night.

* * *

"Are you sure this is where they went," Konan asked.

"Yes," Zetsu replied. "**Don't question me bitch!**" The arrived at a familiar brick wall. Zetsu morphed into the ground and Konan transformed into paper to slide through the cracks. When she got to the other side her inner fan-girl was taking over.

"Their clothes are on the ground," Konan said as calmly as she could.

"It smells like leather. **Guess you were right.**" Konan started to wander away hoping to catch some hot undead action. "Let's go tell Pein that Hidan and Kakuzu were the first to go gay. Which means you owe me fifty bucks.** I could have sworn Deidara and Sasori would be first**." Konan peered through the many doors trying to see something, anything. "**Let's go Konan. I don't want to see them fucking**." With a sigh, Konan turned into butterflies and left her fantasies behind.

* * *

In a related development at an unfortunate twenty-three and a quarter hour bank, Mr. Generic was getting ready to close. He worked faithfully for the company his whole life and was preparing the last seconds of his shift. Earlier in the day his co-workers had bought him a sheet cake and he found himself reminiscing about the chocolate deliciousness. A customer snapped him back to reality and Mr. Generic cashed his check. Four shadows appeared in the doorway and rudely made their way inside. They were clad in matching purple spandex with huge bows.

"Freeze give me all your money," one of bowed people bellowed. The attendees froze and crouched on the ground. Mr. Generic quickly acted and pushed the emergency button. Two purple blobs quickly ran behind the counter and into the open safe that Steve forgot to shut.

"Not so fast villainous scum!"

"It's the Super Duper Zombie Buddies," an annoyingly high-bitched female screamed. "Help us!"

"Oh no," one of the villains dramatically exclaimed. "It's Fluffybeard Gorightly and The Dude!" Yes, Fluffybeard Gorightly and The Dude were here to save the day! Fluffybeard Gorightly was dressed in his usual all pea-pod green spandex outfit he found on a laundry line with his signature beard. Rumor has it that it could lift mountains. His trusty sidekick was in tight leather pants with a black mast on and his usual confident smirk.

"Gee willy Fluffybeard Gorightly," The Dude exclaimed. "It seems we are out numbered! Only one thing to do. For Jashin!" The Dude ran into a man with four arms and the girl. After a quick tussle the girl was knocked out and he was currently engaged in a life or death struggle. Before Fluffybeard Gorightly even had a chance to think about what was going on, two purple flashes were on top of him. He quickly knocked them off and tied them together with black thread.

"You okay, The Dude," Fluffybeard Gorightly asked.

"Yeah," The Dude replied punching the other guy down. The hostages screamed with joy at their saviors.

"Who are you working for," Fluffybeard Gorightly asked.

"You'll never find out," the henchman shouted back. Suddenly, the room filled with a thick smoke and everyone struggled for breath. When it finally cleared the four purple people were nowhere in site.

"Damn it," The Dude shouted. "Well since we saved your lives I want everyone in here to convert to Jashinism right now. I brought bibles and rosaries for everyone. Don't make me slaughter you the next time I see you."

"You are hiding you identity so well," Fluffybeard Gorightly sighed. "We'll take this money as evidence or something. Let's go."

"But, I was about to gain more followers."

"Now."

"Fine. Remember heathens, Jashin can save your soul _and_ let you kill the innocent."

Just as quickly as they arrived, the Super Duper Zombie Buddies hopped away, leaving an awestruck bank.

"Wow," one of Mr. Generic's coworkers remarked. "To think this is your last day working and you didn't even die like the over used thing in movies."

"You're right," Mr. Generic said happily. A bit too happily.

* * *

"Are you kidding me, before Deidara," Pein asked.

"Yep, I believe you owe me some money," Zetsu responded. Pein grumbled and handed Zetsu a twenty. "You should tell everyone else. **I heard homosexuality is contagious.** No it's not! Is it?"

"I don't know," Pein defended. "I'll hold a meeting about it tomorrow. For now get some rest. It's going to be hard with that mental image."

* * *

"That was fucking great," Hidan said. "I got at least ten new followers."

"Not to mention the money," Kakuzu cooed holding his two sacks (of money) very tight.

"Becoming superheroes was one of my best ideas ever and I've had a lot of best ideas." Kakuzu rolled his eyes but silently agreed. All this 'evidence' they were collecting really helped his wallet. Not to mention the tee-shirts, action figures, movie deal, comic books - "Fuck Kakuzu, we have to get back to base! It's almost day-break." Hidan started to rip his leather pants off and quickly put on his normal attire. When he looked back up Kakuzu was already properly dressed and had his money organized. "Bull shit, man! Fucking bull!"

* * *

Pein called an emergency meeting as soon as he sensed most people were awake. Hidan was the last one to arrive, still in his pajamas, with heavy bags under his eyes. "What's this about Pein," Kakuzu asked with a yawn. _Rough night _Pein, Zetsu and Konan thought, with the last one enjoying the mental picture.

"Well," Pein coughed. "It has been brought to my attention that one of us is -erm- gay for their partner."

"It's about fucking time blondie," Hidan spat.

"You owe me money," Kakuzu whispered into Sasori's ear.

"I'm not gay, yeah," Deidara yelled.

"No," Pein said. "It's not Deidara. Yet, at least."

"Fuck you, un," Deidara growled.

"To be fair if you want us to know just say it now," Pein stated. "Konan, Zetsu and myself already know." The room was engulfed in an eerie silance.

"Well who the fuck is the fag," Hidan asked. "Is it you Itachi?"

"No."

"Sasori?"

"No."

"Tobi?"

"No."

"Kisame?"

"No."

Hidan glanced at his partner with with frightened eyes. "Your fucking gay for me? You bastard that's why you wanted me to wear leather last - Oh Jashin! I've been shirtless around you and now your old mind is of perverted thoughts of me! Kakuzu, I didn't think you could get any worse than a fucking atheist, greedy sinner but you cease to amaze. Fuck you all, I'm going to cleanse my soul."

"Denial," Konan mumbled.

"You're gay," Sasori blandly asked, stunned.

"Pein," Kakuzu snarled, digging his nails into the table. "When did you find this out?"

"Well I sent Zetsu and Konan to see why you were never sleeping in the base and they found your love shack. For the shake of the underage members and myself I won't go into details."

"You're gay," Sasori blandly asked, still stunned. _Tell murderous ninjas I've been fighting crime with the alias Fluffybeard Gorightly _Kakuzu thought_ or that I'm gay._

Will Kakuzu admit he's gay? Will Hidan cleanse his soul? What of the four robbers? Will Sasori's question be answered? Will Tobi, Kisame or Itachi ever get a speaking role? What about Mr. Generic? Find out next week on Super Duper Zombie Buddies!

* * *

Author's note: Yeah, probably not going to be a next episode. I have other ideas in mind and shit that needs to be finished. Unless people demand it, it stops here. Anonymous reviews are always **on**.


	2. The Sweater Of Epicness

"I'm not gay," Kakuzu stated.

"What about the love shack," Konan questioned, a little disappointed.

"Nope."

"What about the leather," Zetsu inquired.

"I found some cheap leather air freshner, yeah. That's convincing right?"

"Well then what are you two doing every night," Pein asked.

"Nothing," Kakuzu stated excusing himself from the meeting.

"Sasori, Deidara," Pein commanded. "You haven't done much. Try to catch them in the act." Kisame cleared his throat but Itachi put a hand on his shoulder and nodded his head from side to side. Tobi placed his hands in his pockets and kicked the ground with a hefty sigh.

* * *

"You failed me," Mr. Generic spoke. The four robbers were bowing down before him. "I planned that robbery so you could kill me and I could escape! You disappointed me, I should dispose of you!"

"No," they pleaded.

"We'll try harder!"

"Wipe out The Super Duper Zombie Buddies for good!"

"Kill them once and for all!"

"Idiots," Mr. Generic yelled. "They're called zombies for a reason. Death escapes them. They are, dare I say, _immortal_." Mr. Generic chuckled to himself. "You'll need my help to take them down. Yes, I think I have just the plan to capture them."

* * *

Sleep time befell the Akatsuki and this was Kakuzu's chance to sneak around. He silently ran into Hidan's room and shook him awake. "Mhmm," Hidan grumbled. "Ah! Tentacle rape!" Kakuzu's tendrils gagged him which made Hidan's eyes become wide with fear. He started to emit a cold sweat and freak the fuck out. Thrashing within the grasp. When he realized Kakuzu overpowered him he sent silent prayers Jashin's way.

"I'm not gay," Kakuzu hissed. "Come on we need to save the world, do it for Jooshin."

"Jashin! Fine, I'm changing my disguise though." Hidan searched through his closet, looking for the most covering thing he could find, which is hard when your whole outfit consisted of pants. He dug into the back and pulled out a few sweaters Tobi knitted. He threw them all on, with the visible one being an argyle light yellow mess with a snowman on his chest. Hidan sighed and reached into the layers to try to pull out his necklace. He struggled through the thickness of the shirt but eventually overcame it. "If you try anything," Hidan threatened.

"You'll kill me? Yeah, whatever. Let's go." The pair jumped from Hidan's window and into the alleyways of the city below. Kakuzu scolded Pein many times about having the Akatsuki base at the tip of a city but he thought it made them look evil.

"You hear that, Danna," Deidara asked.

"Yes," Sasori answered. "We can't be bothered with their Zombie Lovin' tonight, we have other matters to attend to."

* * *

"Hidan put the damn pants on," Kakuzu hollered, waving Hidan's super hero pants in his face.

"No," Hidan pouted. "You picked those fucking tight things out anyways. I ain't wearin them."

"You are so-" Kakuzu was cut off by the Zombie Scanner beeping. A map appeared before their faces as a red dot was blinking on the screen. "Oh! We can collect alot of money from there."

"Awe, it's probably closed. I'll only convert a guard or something." Kakuzu groaned and jumped on his pogo stick. As he was hopping along he let his tendrils form his trade mark beard. Hidan quickly tied on his mask and followed him into the night. They bounced around the city streets causing the few people out to stare at them in wonder. They continued hopping until they reached the Rain Village Art Museum. Kakuzu saw a hole and wearily stepped in, Hidan's bitching not far behind him. They walked inside and saw all the work covered in paint, broken or on fire.

"Danna! The Super Duper Zombie Buddies are here," a blonde dressed in an all red outfit shouted from the top of a stair case.

"Brat, I told you I'm The Toy Maker at night," The Toy Maker hissed. He was wearing a red spandex jumpsuit, a top hat, a black flowing cape, and a spiffy monocle. He was holding a black cane and was sporting a very curly mustache. He looked like a slightly more ridiculous cartoon villain.

"That name is just too cool for you, un."

"Was that sarcasm?"

"Me? Sarcastic? Never, yeah!"

"I'd hate to interrupt," Fluffybeard Gorightly bellowed. "But I think it's time for a justice sandwich, no condiments needed!"

"Jashin! Fluffybeard Gorightly, that was so gay. Like you. Don't rape them okay?"

"I thought it was catchy."

"_I'd_ hate to interrupt," The Toy Maker stated. "I have evil planned. Don't you want to know my villainous back story?"

"Ugh fine," Kakuzu sighed. "We are still looking for an arch enemy."

"Oh good, our secretaries will get in touch. Actually, Gender Confused Shemale and your sidekick can write down the details."

"Damn it," Gender Confused Shemale yelled. "That's not my name! I'm the Artistic Bomber, un!"

"No. How about, Un?"

"Un, un? Fine." The villain formally know as Gender Confused Shemale approached The Dude and wrote down their contact information.

"Now where was I," The Toy Maker pondered. "Oh yes! My back story! Well like most red heads I didn't have parents so that made me sad. I devoted my life to making puppets and other various toys to fill the void my parents left. Over time, I came to realize-"

"Danna! Where's our secret lair," Un asked.

"We don't have one."

"Fluffybeard," The Dude called. "Are you sure you want them as arch enemies? Look at them, they suck. Toy-based villains, thats so common."

"I think you're right," Fluffybeard Gorightly answered.

"No," The Toy Maker exclaimed. "I promise I'm deep. Just hear my story."

"Alright, hurry up."

"I realized that I posses epic pawnage in art so me and my so not artistic side kick made it our life goal to help the people of the world by destroying all the crappy art people made. Well, he thinks art should be fleeting, so by destroying it, he somehow believes it's becoming real art. Anyways, my art will be the only one left and I'll become famous. My art will last an eternity! My art will be world famous," The Toymaker laughed. "My art kicks ass." The Dude slapped himself.

"I don't want them as arch enemies," The Dude wined. "Art? Toys? What is this preschool?"

"Well, I'll admit," Fluffybeard Gorightly spoke, "they suck beyond belief. Maybe with their stupid ideals we can get the art demographic. Increase our profits by about fifteen percent."

"Fluffybeard! You are forgetting about hardcore comic book nerds. If they see this becoming an artistic thing, they'll drop us faster than Jashin drops sinners in the fiery pits of hell."

"Your right! That would be a loss in most of our audience, thanks."

"I'll force us to be enemies," The Toy Maker laughed. "Go army of toys!" A rainbow of cotton burst into the museum's windows. Teddy bears, rabbits and every other adorable creature one can imagine surrounded our two heroes. "Come, Un, we have to find a evil lair."

"Un," Un called, following The Toy Maker outside.

"They're getting away," The Dude obviously stated.

"I know," Fluffybeard Gorightly answered. "We have to take care of these things first." The Super Duper Zombie Buddies ran at the stuffed critters and attacked. It didn't take anymore than a simple kick to take most of them down. "Wow," he remarked.

"Told ya they fucking sucked," The Dude spat taking out another twenty stuffed animals with his swear. "Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me! These pieces of shit are so fucking PG they can't take a fucking swear! Jashin damn it! These are the most pussy cock sucking things I have ever seen, well besides you of course Kakuzu." At the end of The Dude's little rant the stuffed animals were dead, covered in a cotton grave. One lone survivor, a stuffed snail, struggled to get up and avenge his comrades. The Dude spotted it and sent a middle finger solute it's way. It instantly exploded.

"Don't use my real name, idiot. Grab all the not ruined art you can carry and let's get back to the hideout. I still have to convince everyone I'm not gay."

"That's going to be hard," The Dude snickered.

* * *

"Rough night," Pein asked as Kakuzu and Hidan stepped into the meeting room. They both grunted in response. "Where are Sasori and Deidara?" Konan's yaoi senses were tingling. "No," Pein stated, feeling her vibes.

"Sorry I kept you waiting," Sasori apologized. "I was busy last night."

"Hopefully doing your mission."

"Um, yes?"

"Well, what are the results?"

"Kakuzu is most certainly, without a doubt..."

* * *

Will Kakuzu convince everyone he's not gay? What did Sasori find out from his mission? What of the Toy Maker and Un? Who are the dastardly Toy Maker and Un? What is Mr. Generic planning? Will Tobi, Kisame or Itachi ever get a speaking role? Find out next week on Super Duper Zombie Buddies!

* * *

Author's note: Woah, people like this stupid idea? Well, since you asked for it, it's becoming a story! Thanks to those who reviewed who helped pushed this idea and inflated my ego to that of a small car. Anonymous reviews are always **on**.


	3. New Friends Or More Foes?

"Kakuzu is most certainly, without a doubt," Sasori stated, with a finger in the air, commanding a wave of authority. Every member was on the edge of their seat, save for Itachi (not interested), waiting to hear his discovery. "Not gay."

"**Bull shit**," Zetsu yelled pointing an accusing finger at Sasori.

"Well, when me and Deidara were doing the mission Pein requested, and nothing more. Nothing at all." Sasori shifted his eyes around the room to see if anyone dared questioned him. "We saw that they weren't gay. End story. I am also requesting that we be relieved from this mission."

"Granted," Pein confirmed. "There is no point in continuing. Zetsu I want my money back, there is still time for Deidara! Speaking of money, I thought of an ingenious way to earn money for Akatsuki."

"What is it," Kakuzu happily inquired.

"A water park!"

"A water park in the hidden rain village," Deidara repeated, but with more attitude. "Flawless."

"Isn't it? I even acquired some sea creatures for a small zoo. Now I need you two-"

"Can't," Sasori inturpeted. "We have an army to build. Let's go Un, I mean Deidara."

"Un," Deidara grunted, following Sasori out.

"Well, then Itachi and Kisame would you be up for this task," Pein asked. The two bobbed their heads excitedly, well Kisame shook his head with enough force to make Itachi's move. "The construction crew is striking, I need you to negotiate with them. Also known as kill them. Dismissed."

* * *

Kisame and Itachi arrived at the strike. Most of the strikers ran when they saw them approaching but few held their ground. "We came to negotiate. Itachi work your magic," Kisame winked at Itachi. If feeling uncomfortable wasn't an emotion Itachi would be feeling it right now. He tried to ignore these 'feelings' to the best of his power by focusing on something that calmed him. It helped that Kisame started to wonder off.

Itachi opened his eyes and within seconds convinced all the strikers to go back to work. Most to work double time. 'Feeling' somewhat empty Itachi tried to find his comrade.

Kisame's wondering lead to the zoo portion. He approached a tank where a seal came up to him. She pressed a flipper to the tank and Kisame pressed his hand against it. A strange feeling overcame him. He felt pain, worry, and lost. Her black eyes peered into his white ones, trying to see into Kisame's soul. He heard a rustle and Itachi calmly approached him. Some of that internal angst went away when he saw his comrade, but it was still there. Kisame turned his attention back to the seal just in time to see a tear escape her eye. "Itachi," Kisame called. "Are you doing anything tonight? I need your help with something."

* * *

Night swiftly landed upon Amegakure. Two silhouettes stood strongly in the city light on top of a building. It was none other than the resident super heroes, the Super Duper Zombie Buddies!

"Fuck Kaku- I mean Fluffybeard, why do we have to be outside in the rain," The Dude asked. "These sweaters are so damn itchy! I can hardly move my arms."

"Because a certain sidekick thought it would be a good idea to put our Zombie Foam into the Zombie Scanner," Fluffybeard Gorightly hissed. "That same sidekick is also paranoid."

"I ain't your sidekick!" Fluffybeard Gorightly just shook his head and returned to the nightly patrol. "What the fuck is that?" The pair looked up into the night sky and saw a light that shone 'SDZB'. "Is it for us?"

"Probably. Let us bounce!" The Super Duper Zombie Buddies flew down from the building riding their pogo sticks, which probably wasn't a smart idea. The Dude was laughing madly at their descent as Fluffybeard realized their situation. Fluffybeard Gorightly sighed and activated his beard powers. The thick, oily hairs on his face grew and fell to the ground. Flufflybeard Gorightly safely landed on them while his partner crashed into the earth, breaking a few things.

"Lets do it again! That was," The Dude stopped mid sentence, tears starting to form. "Not the Zombie Mobile." The Dude gently lifted the shattered metal in his hands as Fuffybeard played the worlds smallest violin. A white light fell upon The Dude as he hugged the remains of his beloved Zombie Mobile. "Those flames were so kick ass."

"There is no time to waste while trouble is afoot! Hop on my back." With a sigh, The Dude climbed on Fluffybeard Gorightly's back as he hopped towards the light. The Dude waved one last goodbye to his Zombie Mobile. "Stop overreacting."

"S-shut up! Man, whoever we're going after is in for a hell of pain."

A bright light emerged from a nearby building. "Excellent," a shadowy figure laughed as it stalked the Super Duper Zombie Buddies.

* * *

The bouncing lead the Super Duper Zombie Buddies to the Amegakure's police station with the chief waiting near the spot light. "What seems to be the trouble chief," Fluffybeard Gorightly asked.

"Nice to see you Super Duper Zombie Buddies," the chief said. "I have been recieving calls about two masked men near the new water park. I would have sent ninjas but the witnesses claim they were wearing capes. My men are only ninjas dammit! They can't handle super villains! Will you help us?"

"That watch looks nice. Can I have it," Fluffybeard Gorightly demanded more than asked.

"Yes. Here. Anything else?" The chief gave his hero the watch.

"Have you seen the light," The Dude smiled.

"Why no I haven't."

"Well, Jashinism is totally the way to go for a few reasons."

"Oh! I thought you were talking about a real light. No, I'm buddisht."

The Dude's eye twitted a bit. "Heathen," He shouted trying to lunge at him. Flufflybeard's beard powers restrained him as he bounced away. "Me and Jashin will be laughing at you as you burn in hell beotch!"

* * *

"Here you go little fellow," a guy in all black called. He was wearing an equally black mask and had a sheet that resembled Akatsuki standard issue bedding tied around his neck. "Now swim towards freedom! How are you doing?"

"Hn," came a bored reply for a smaller man dressed in a similar fashion.

"Hey," The Toymaker called, walking towards them. "What do you think  
your doing."

"We don't want any trouble," the taller of the two masked men pleaded. "Just trying to help the sea critters."

"Are you new villains? I'll have you know we already are arch enemies with the Super Duper Zombie Buddies."

"You fucking wish," The Dude hollered while gently climbing down Fluffybeard's back. "You suck!"

"I do not suck," The Toy Maker stated. "Let us show them how much we don't suck Un!"

"Un," Un called.

"Let's go," the other of the masked men whispered. As the two started towards the exit.

"Where the fuck do you think your goin'," The Dude ever so nicely screamed.

"We don't want any trouble," the other masked guy stated. "Just freeing the sea critters, now we are going back to the lair."

"You have a liar," The Dude cooed.

"Several actually."

"Ya hear that shit," The Dude exclaimed, shaking Fufflybeard, who had a 'three more seconds and your going to die' look in his eye.. "They have a lair! Hey you guys wanna be arch enemies?"

"No, this is a one time thing. We just want to leave, we are kind of tired-"

"What about us," The Toy Maker interpreted. "We are plenty evil!"

"You don't even have a lair," Fluffybeard stated. "And the most evil thing you have done is destroy some art."

"Perfected," Un corrected.

"Can we go," the taller masked man asked. "Ita- erm my partner is tired and my show is on so if it's not to much trouble, we'll just be going now."

"No," The Dude yelled. "You two look so cool with your capes and shit. Be are arch enemies, now!"

"One time thing," the smaller one spoke. "We are leaving."

"Not until justice is served with a cherry on top," Fluffybeard Gorightly stated, taking a very heroic pose.

"Justice," the taller one scoffed. "Half of these animals were in the wrong exhibit! The seals are saltwater creatures but they were in a freshwater tank!"

"Justice!"

"They would have died!"

"Justice!"

"Fine," the taller one sighed making some hand signs. "Water style, shark bombs."

"Bombs," Un perked up, suddenly appearing with an armful of clay critters. The water tanks started rumbling as sharks emerged from them and dived at the Super Duper Zombie Buddies and their wannabe arch enemies. Grinning widely, Un tossed his sculptures onto the ground, exploding as the hit the pavement. If the Super Duper Zombie Buddies weren't running from the onslaught of sharks they would have seen Un detonate them all, possibly leading them to find out his secret identity. They would have also seen The Toy Maker loose his monocle but shark bombs are pretty damn hard to dodge.

"Un," The Toy Maker called. "Lets go, my identity could be compromised." He shield his face as Un grabbed his fallen monocle. "Until next time, Super Duper Zombie Buddies!" The two ran off into the night, satisfied with their completely pointless appearance.

The heroes quickly dodged the last few sharks just to see them escape. "Did you see those two new guys," The Dude happily asked. "Sharks? That's so fucking cool! I want them as archenemies."

"Yes," Fluffybeard Gorightly agreed. "Not to mention their pure evilness. Releasing the sea animals, that can only lead to destruction and mayhem. Their back story is probably really cool. Raised by sharks or something."

"Yeah! And the chicks will totally eat up the quiet sensitive guy."

"Well, other than them tonight was a total waste. No money-"

"Fuck your damn money! I didn't save any souls!."

"Well not a total waste," a soothing voice echoed.

"Who's there," Fluffybeard called, getting into a fighting posture. A masked woman wearing a dark blue outfit emerged from the shadows. She had a black Y and G across her chest and a matching set in blue on her black cape.

"I am Yaoi Girl," she stated.

"Are you evil," Flufflybeard asked.

"I am neither good nor evil. I work for myself and all the other yaoi fangirls of the world."

"She is pure evil," The Dude paniced. "Lets kill her now!"

"What is your purpose," Fluffybeard asked, restraining his partner.

"To find normal everyday guys showing the smallest sort of affection and take a picture. Earlier today, I realized I possessed an amazing power. The gift to sense yaoi! Now I will arrive there and take a picture so I can post it online for all the other fangirls. Now if you excuse me, I sense more yaoi." Yaoi Girl brought two fingers to her face and in a flurry of paper disappeared. She left behind a single sheet, which The Dude picked up.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," The Dude yelled, gripping the paper tightly. Fluffybeard looked over his shoulder to see it was a picture of him carrying The Dude on his back. Only it was photo shopped with a bunch of tacky hearts, YG in the corner, and TD + FG written in pink comic stans on the top. "Fucking bitch."

"I know. I hate comic stans."

"Lets analyze this in the Zombie Scanner."

Flufflybeard's eyes narrowed. "Someone broke it, remember?"

"Well maybe someone should stop being a cheap ass and get a new one." Fluffybeard's eyes narrowed even more. "Open your eyes, you look like a dumb ass."

* * *

Pein, Tobi and Zetsu impatiently waited in the meeting room. Pein was strumming his fingers while Tobi tapped his foot in rhythm with him. Zetsu just sat there and made it his job to make the room look creepier with his presence alone. Mission succeeded. "I have these meetings the same time every morning. Why is everyone late?"

"Tobi and Mr. Zetsu aren't late," Tobi chimed.

"Yes Tobi you are a good boy. Zetsu you are a good boy, boys, too?"

* * *

Who are the two mysterious men that saved the sea critters? Will Yaoi Girl help or hinder our heroes? Can The Toy Maker and Un prove they are evil enough to fulfill the role of arch enemies? Does The Dude have enough courage to try to replace his Zombie Mobile? All this and more coming up next week!


	4. Fashion Montage!

The meeting door flew opened as the rest of the Akatsuki strutted in, all looking rather exausted. "Well, it is nice to see everyone finally get here," Pein spoke, very angrily. "I call these morning meetings because I plan on seeing my favorite henchmen bright and early, not noon!"

A muttered "sorry leader," escaped most of the member's lipas and one "fuck off" as they sat down. A few passing out on contact with something remotly soft.

"Don't sorry leader me," Pein threatened. "You kept me waiting and I have an important meeting comming up. I don't even have any time to explain the new mission! Just keep up the evil work, I guess. Dismissed." Pein left his minions in the room, all of which were now fell asleep on the table, except for Zetsu. He made this his chance to sample the many flavors of Akatsuki.

He walked over to Itachi and licked his hand, sampling the rare Uchiha meat. Next was Kisame who didn't taste like shark, more of a goat flavor. Zetsu cringed, he hated goat. He tasted almost everyone in the room, Tobi being the only one excluded. Zetsu couldn't find any open flesh and didn't want to suffer 'The Wrath of Mandara' for disturbing his rest. Mandara had grudge issues, Zetsu knew this and tended not to get involved in it. Now that his work was done, he decided to leave, 'accidently' slapping Sasori upside the head on the way out. Why, you may ask. Does he need a reason? He's motherfucking Zetsu, he does what he wants!

Waking up from the infamous Zetsu Bitch Slap, Sasori dragged Deidara out of the room. "Come Deidara," Sasori commanded. "We have to find a perfectly evil lair."

"Sasori no Danna," Deidara yawned. "Why can't we just be evil with the Akatsuki, un?" Deidara did a well needed strech and got to his feet. He quickly started following Sasori through the Akatsuki base.

"Because Pein wants us to promote a good imange with the Akatsuki. How are we going to do that destorying all the art of the world?"

"I wish you wouldn't call it destorying. We are perfecting it, un," Deidara mumbled, arms crossed. They stepped into their shared room, Sasori's side clean, while Deidara's half looked like something exploded in it. Which something has done on more than one occasion.

Sasori dug through his closet until he found his Toymaker puppet. He fluffed up the moustache and alined the monocule a bit. Deidara kicked a few shirts off the ground and pulled up his red spandex. It was wrinkly from spending the morning on the floor and possiably had something growing on the elbow. He examine the fungi, shrugged and rubbed it on the wall.

"You ready," Sasori asked, getting adjusted to his Toy Maker body. He examined himself in the mirror, admiring how evil he looked. He perfected his look by grabbing his best cane. Truly menacing.

"Un," Deidara called, tieing his mask on and thus changing into his alter ego, Un. "I really hate my outfit. So unartistic, un."

"Because it doesn't explode?"

"That and it's red spandex." The pair jumped out the window of the Akatsuki base and into the afternoon sun.

* * *

Inside their room, Kakuzu and Hidan were enjoying each other's silence. Just kidding, Hidan's in the room.

"Come on Kakuzu," Hidan whined. "We need a new Zombie Mobile."

"You are perfectly fine riding on my back," Kakuzu moaned.

"Not with that bitch, Yaoi Girl roaming the streets." As if to remind Kakuzu, he pulled out the picture she left behind. Kakuzu snatched it from his hands and ripped it to pieces. He didn't even want to question why he still had that and was carrying it around.

"Maybe you shouldn't be an idoit and jump from buildings."

"That was fun," Hidan laughed, getting lost in memories. The amazing pain of feeling your bones turn to jelly inside of the muscles. Ah, those were the days. But he had Yaoi Girl to worry about! "She will only make you look like the fudge packer that you are."

Kakuzu growled. He could never win. "Fine, let's suit up and look for something."

"Good. While we're at it we should get new costumes. Your green spandex thing is really fucking scary, seriously man. Just because you stole it from some loser doesn't mean you should wear it."

"You don't like seeing a ninety year old man in spandex?"

"I think you answered that yourself."

"Touche."

* * *

"Un, we are meeting with a top seller in evil hideout realators," The Toy Maker called. "Be good." The two dastardly villians arrived at a cheery white realtor building. It had balloons outside and the flowers were on the verge of singing they looked so happy.

"Un," Un grunted, following his partner inside.

"Why hello," a rather perky Pein greeted. "I see you two are interested in having a high quality hideout, well you called the right guy." The Toymaker and Un nervously glanced at each other, trying to make out what to say at the fact that their leader was smiling at them while wearing a pinstripe suit. "Don't worry we have helped plently of first time villians get on their feet. I looked over your requirements and have selected a few options." Pein spun around to a nearby filing cabinet and pulled out a folder with 'Toy Freaks' stamped across it. "The first one, is an abonded toy factory. Fits your imange perfectly. Another option I have is a standard issue supervillians lair. While it doesn't promote your imange, it does have all the things supervillians  
need. Traps the heroes can easily escape from while you rant about your evil plans, a list of important people you should kidnap to lure the heroes to said traps and a coffee maker."

"I like that," Un stated, releaved Pein couldn't see through their shitty disquises. "What do you think?" Un nudged his partner a bit.

"Well the coffee maker seems nice but I do like the themed lair. Do you have any photos?"

"Yes," Pein said, digging into the folder. He pulled out two photos. The Toy Maker recongized one, which was the Akatsuki's old lair. It got infested with rats which Kakuzu was too cheap to hire someone to take care of and the Akatsuki were much to busy to take care of themselves. While rats did add a nice evil touch, they weren't realistic working conditions. The other photo had creepy toys hanging from the ceiling and a convayor belt in the middle of the room.

"I like that one," The Toymaker excaliamed pointing to the second picture.

"Excellent," Pein cooed. "Make all checks payable to Akatsuki, whom I have no connection with but heard they are very wonderful people."

* * *

Kakuzu and Hidan walked up to a shady building in their alter egos. When they stepped inside the dank place a shadowy figure approached them. "Whatcha lookin to buy," he hissed. The pair tried to step closer to see his face, but he retreated to the shadows.

"How do you know this fucker again," The Dude questioned.

"I don't, Kakuzu does," Fluffybeard Gorightly stated.

"Oh. Hey we need a new kickass superhero vehicle."

"Well, I have some nice pogo sticks." The Dude paled, memories of him and his old ride floated into his mind. He left his partner to go sulk in the cornor.

"Dont be so emo," Fluffybeard sighed, with a nice eye roll to match. "The dumbass had one, then broke it."

"Oh, losing a pogo stick is always a rough experience. You have my  
sympothy."

"Thanks," The Dude sniffled. "At least someone gives a fuck!"

"We need something cheap and well just cheap."

"Let me see what I have." The strange man rummaged through something and produced some scrolls. He laid two on the ground and formed a hand seal. In a cloud of smoke a bicycle and roller skates stood there.

"Here," Fluffybeard called. "Look at these." The Dude stood up and examined the two things.

"Umm Fluffybeard."

"What?"

"I can't ride a bike."

"You're kidding."

"No." The mysterious man summoned the bike back and picked up the scroll. The Dude sat down next to the rollar skates and kicked off his shoes. He slipped a foot into the skate to realize it was too small.

"Ya have anything bigger?"

"No." The Dude shoved his foot in, possiably breaking the bone. He laced up the skates and tried to stand up. He instantly fell down.

"Fuck, these hurt. We'll take them." The Dude flashed them a sly smile and skated around the room, feeling his bones crush together and the blood gathering in it. "Oh, Jashin. It feels so good," The Dude moaned in sweet, sweet pleasure. This made the shady guy and Kakuzu very uncomfortable.

* * *

"Wow," the Toymaker whispered stepping into his new hideout. "This is so evil."

"Un," Un grunted behind a pile of bags and boxes, just his ponytail sticking out. He threw them on the ground and panted for some breath. "I wanted the other lair. It had a coffee maker, un."

"Silence Un!" The Toymaker started to dig through the bags Un carried in and pulled out a block of wood and some knives. "Now, let us build our army of toys."

* * *

After a good debate, Fluffybeard Gorightly parted with his money with a miserable attitude. Granted, it was counterfit bills, but it still hurt his soul. He waved bye to the salesman and turned to leave only to see that The Dude was happily rolling around. When he was close enough to the door, Fluffybeard gave him a playful nudge, making his partner crash down the stairs with a laugh.

"Happy now," Fluffybead asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Now it's time for your fashion change." Cheesey 80's music started playing as their surroundings filled with colors. "Fashion montage!" The Dude grabbed his partner and skated off to the nearest boutique.

* * *

Suddenly Konan woke up from her rest in the meeting room with a pounding ache in her head. She was wet and covered in bite marks. She looked over at the two others in the room, Itachi and Kisame, to see Itachi in a similar state. The little family killer was sleeping soundly. It was amost adorable. Almost. A pounding ache came to Konan and she held her head in pain. "Yaoi senses," she muttered, running off.

* * *

"Stupid motherfucker! You stupid motherfucker! You stupid motherfuck...er," Hidan sang along to the music in the store. Of course the radio station censored out Hidan's favorite words, so he added them.

The Super Duper Zombie Buddies were in an upscale boutique, attractioning attention for all the citizens they 'saved'. The store had to kick some people out because they were getting so close to their saviors. The pair were desperately trying to search for Kakuzu's perfect outfit but have had no luck so far.

"Hidan, shut up," Kakuzu grunted. "Or I'll tell the store clerk to change the station to Christian hyhms." Hidan crossed his arms and fashioned his mouth into a pout.

"Stupid motherfucker," He mumbled. He returned to comb through the racks of clothes while Kakuzu dug through the bargain bin. "Why don't you look at the good stuff," Hidan asked. "How bout this." He held up a fishnet top. Kakuzu's eyes darted right past the outfit and looked for the white price tag.

"No, too expensive."

"Hello gentlemen," A cheery worker greeted. "Can I help you find anything? Can I also have an autograph for my wife, she's a huge fan. You saved her from a bank robbery."

'No, we're fine. Thank you. I'll give you my signature for five bucks,' is what Kakuzu wanted to say but Hidan's voice overpowered his own.

"If we wanted your fucking help we would have asked, dipshit. And tell that slut of a wife of yours to not be a dumbass in a bank robbery, seriously. And you two should totally convert-" The worker stormed away from them. "Asshole. I fucking hate when they do that." Kakuzu ignored him and continued digging through the bin. That's when the heavens opened and decided to grant Kakuzu the happiness he's been waiting for. His eyes became misty as he pulled the garment from under the other clothes.

"It's perfect," he whispered, holding up his dream outfit.

"Ha," Yaoi Girl screamed comming out of nowhere, camera in hand. "Caught you!" She madly started to take pictures while The Dude lunged at her.

"Give me that fucking camera," The Dude yelled, trying to get at her. Yaoi Girl squeeked and ran around the racks of clothes.

"Hello ma'am," the salesman greeted. "Can I help you?"

"Fuck off," The Dude screeched, punching the poor man in the face. "Now fork over that fucking camera! Fluffy, get yo ass over here and help!"

Fluffybeard was still lost in his trance from finding his perfect outfit. So lost, he could only mumble a soft squeek as a reply.

"Nope. I'll give you the picture later tonight. Or just search XXX Zombie Buddies exposed," Yaoi Girl winked. "Now, if you excuse me, yaoi awaits!" Yaoi Girl ran out the front door, giggling madly. After all, she did just catch the Super Duper Zombie Buddies doing the gayest thing possible in the most gay way. She looked at her camera memory, to try to relive the moment. Unfortunately the pictures didn't share her imagination. She sighed at all the photo shopping she had to do.

"Fucking bitch, we just went shopping! And you," The Dude turned around to face his partner, rage burning in his eyes. "You are the most worthless pile of shit I have ever seen!" Hidan panted a bit, trying to calm himself. He felt relief rush over him when he saw what Kakuzu was hold. "But that new outfit is pretty sick."

* * *

It seems major trouble escaped our heroes for once as they enjoyed a relaxing day out. Will this peace last? What could the Toymaker and Un be building? Find out next week on another thrilling episode of Super Duper Zombie Buddies.

* * *

A/N's: Lawl, made you read a filler. This is Naruto after all. I promise no more fillers. Especially the next chapter. Nope, next chapter is definalty not a filler. Not at all. Song is Stupid MF by Mindless Self Indulgence, the best band **ever**.


End file.
